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You can change your
life when you
change your mind!
guided imagery can help |
You are the ONE you're looking for!
My
1st "REAL"
Letter
Kade and I met at a
party and were emailing each other to get to know one
another. He hadn't asked me out yet, but I was hoping that
he would... I wanted him to know where I was coming
from first though, as I was in the process of learning to
promote who I really was on the inside to a potential
soulmate, and working on mastering the
fear of possibly losing someone, because my true feelings
might be rejected.
It's important
not to hold back, edit, or rehearse who you are, by
playing
some role you feel you must to be accepted. When
you're words are the true voice of your heart, you will always
win. Even if it's not the outcome you initially hoped for,
it will be the one that is best for you in the long run...
When one door closes, another always opens... one that is
better!
E-mail
Dated: 8-02-99
Subject: Too
Deep?
Hi
Kade,
I thought I would explain my comment from my last email…
when I said, "I'm pretty positive that I am unlike
any other woman you've ever met." I don't want you to
think I'm full of myself.
What I meant was that I've worked very hard to overcome
possessiveness, jealousy and insecurity, which are the
smothering factors that most women project onto men in
relationships (and vice-versa), which stifle freedom. I
know how important it is for people to have time to
themselves, to think and to be alone.
Just to tell you a little more about myself, and why I am so
deep…
My parents had a fairy-tale life together, or so it
appeared… My step-dad is a multi-millionaire. I call him my dad, because he's been a dad to
me for 23 years, and we are very close. My mom had
the whole world ahead of her. She and my step-dad built
a company together, and after selling it, she retired young.
They had a love I idolized, and then she died on her
47th birthday, in June of 1994, from cancer. Two years
after that, my
grandmother (her mother) died from cancer.
My step-dad, no matter how much money he has, is never
really happy. He looks for things to ease some kind of
longing… but doesn't seem to realize that happiness is
something money can't buy.
I've spent a lot of time alone, trying to sort out life…
figuring out who I am, and what I think life is all about.
And as weird as this may sound, all of the pain I've been
through has made me a much better person, and I wouldn't
change anything.
This is my favorite quote:
"Heaven never kissed
the soul of she who knew not hell."
In my last email I said that I would send you some things
that I wrote. These are excerpts from letters that I have
written, that help explain who I am right now in my life.
"…I always used to make myself into what I thought
other people wanted me to be. I thought that if I was the
person they wanted me to be, I would be loved, and never
left behind. This is actually very sad, and shows no self
esteem at all. I have learned to love myself, and
have realized that I don't need anyone else to validate my
self worth. I now know that I could be alone for the
rest of my life, and be ok, because all the
love I will ever need is already inside of me. I have also
learned how to give freedom and space to other people, and
know that it is never right to place expectations on
others. When we expect someone to behave in a certain way,
and when we measure their feelings for us by how well they
live up to those expectations, we will always be
disappointed. True love means placing no
expectations on another, and allowing them to be who
they REALLY are. I now feel true inner-peace, and am free
from all of those "insecurity" hang-ups! (I hope
anyway)...(smile)…"
"…I've come to realize that how we see others is
controlled by what we are seeing with. How we
"see" is the key to everything. Now when I look
at people I see them for who they really are inside. Their
appearance, what they drive, and how
much money they have doesn't matter. All that matters is if their heart
is in the right place…"
"…In the past, I was so caught up in material
success and trying to look beautiful, that I lost sight of
the true meaning of life, which is love. The motivation to
gain material objects has actually prevented me from
having real happiness. No matter how much money I have
acquired, it was never enough to make me truly happy. True
inner peace and happiness come from loving others as you
love yourself, you just have to find that love for your self
first…"
"…The relentless drive to acquire things, combined
with the pressures of surviving in the material world,
is what keeps us wrapped up in our own selfish existence,
and
distracts us from seeing the true purpose for
our life…"
"…I have come to realize that the only thing that
really matters in this lifetime is that we come to know,
love and accept our selves …and that our only real
responsibility is to be true to our own heart. Finding and
then living our TRUTH is the only thing that will ever
really make us happy …not material wealth …not other
people …not anything that this world can offer.
..."
"…I believe that we are our own 'Judge and Jury,'
and that we are always creating our own justice, be it
reward or punishment, with every thought we give birth to.
In the end, we must always return to ourselves and
recognize that it is our own inner thoughts that create
our outer reality. To change our reality, all we have to
do is change our perception. It is our
PERCEPTION of what
is right and wrong… what is moral and immoral… what
is acceptable and not acceptable… what is expected
versus what we truly want... that creates the reality we
live in. When we come to realize that our only true
responsibility is to our own soul, and to projecting what
is on the inside to the outside world, then
we become empowered, and are no longer willing to suppress
our own needs. This is when we are no longer willing to
be a walking, talking dichotomy, that is trying to balance
our hearts' desire with everyone else's false perceptions
of what life should be. I believe we are creating our
reality in every moment, and that the outside world, be it
peaceful and happy, or a never-ending struggle, is merely
a reflection of our inner search for our selves. When we
recognize this fact and decide to live our truth no matter
what anyone else thinks, then we truly become balanced,
and truly happy with our present… instead of
always worrying about past mistakes or future prospects."
This
is where I was coming from in my last email, when I said I
have overcome fear…
"The things you fear are undefeatable, not by their
nature but by your approach"...
FEAR (from
Gifts from A Course in Miracles)
Fear is not justified in any form.
There is nothing to fear.
This simply states a fact.
It is not a fact to those who believe in
Illusions, but illusions are not facts.
In TRUTH there is nothing to fear.
Fear lies not in reality, but in the minds of Children
Who do not understand reality.
Only our minds can produce fear.
Attempting the mastery of fear is useless.
In fact, it asserts the power of fear
By the very assumption that it need be mastered.
The true resolution rests entirely on mastery
Through love.
The need to recognize fear
And face it without disguise
Is a crucial step in the undoing of the ego.
Fear itself is an appeal for help.
This is what recognizing fear really means.
Fear and attack are inevitably associated.
If only attack produces fear,
And if you see attack as the call for help that it is,
The unreality of fear must dawn on you.
For fear is a call for love.
Look at what you are afraid of.
Only the anticipation will frighten you.
Under each cornerstone of fear
On which you have erected your insane
System of belief,
The truth lies hidden.
Where fear has gone, there love must come,
Because there are but these alternatives.
Where one appears, the other disappears.
And which you share becomes the only one
You have.
Without anxiety the mind is wholly kind."
…"How deceived was I to think that what I feared
was in the world, instead of in my mind."…
"…I believe that it is only when we are willing to
allow ourselves to become vulnerable, that we can truly
learn and grow. Through vulnerability we can find our own
true strength. Opening ourselves up is the only way we can
truly become empowered. If we are always
protecting ourselves from hurt, and building walls to keep
people out, how can we ever learn the lessons they were
meant to bring to us, the reason we attracted them into
our lives in the first place?
"Wise art thou if thou knowest
That the subtle serpent of temptation
Is in truth the anointed One
Who bringeth thee to liberation..."
-Paul
Foster Case
"…I have learned how to tame the restlessness
roaring in the darkness, that beast within each one of us
that would chain us to our own prisons, through the fear of
the unknown…"
"…I believe that we can not truly know and accept
others, until we truly know and accept ourselves. When I
know and accept myself, I can know and accept everyone
else…"
Too DEEP????
Shelley
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