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Dated: 8-06-99
Subject: If You Really Want Deep!

Hi Kade,
 

You said you can never get to deep, so I thought I would share some more of what I believe with you.

I want you to know that when I say, “I BELIEVE”, that my beliefs are flexible and changing. I think it can be dangerous to be to fixed in our beliefs, for then we are left with no room for growth. I love to discuss things, but I am not so pompous as to think that I have all the answers to life. I don’t think it is being RIGHT that matters, but the process of discussion and the search for truth that is important, (the expansion of consciousness). I know that other people have their own opinions, and I change mine constantly as I grow. I don’t just believe something because someone says it, or because it is in print. I test it, meditate on it, and use my own discernment as to what feels like truth to me… and don't try to force my opinions on others.

This is from a letter I wrote a friend who was stressed out with life, and was asking for my opinion. I thought I would share it with you. If you don’t agree, then I would love nothing more than to hear what you believe. You just don’t come across very many people who have even really taken the time to think about what they believe, or that you can have deep discussions with. When you do find someone you can talk to in this way, without it turning into an argument, or a contest to prove who is RIGHT …or… who is SMARTEST, then you have found a real treasure.

From the letter…

I believe that the outside world is a VEIL that hides the truth, and that it is an illusion to believe that the world of matter is all that is.

"Unto the uninstructed,
Creation is as a mist and a vapor,
For existence is a veil of concealment,
Which hideth my true nature from their eyes.
By day, when thy senses busy themselves with their appropriate objects,
If thou seest me at all
Shall I be unto thee even as to thy forefathers,
Naught but a pillar of cloud, 
Vague and uncertain, going before thee.
But at night, when thou hast withdrawn thy senses into themselves,
And thy mind is no longer swept away by the multiplicity of objects,
Thou shalt perceive me more clearly, as a pillar of living fire.”

- borrowed from The Book of Tokens

I never used to understand when I would hear people say, "I don't know who I am" …or… "I need to find myself." I always wondered what that meant, but now I think I know… and believe that it is truly the ONLY thing that matters in life. It is the only thing that will ever bring any true and lasting happiness. Nothing on the outside can compare to it, and nothing else will ever be able to ease the discontent you will feel until you find it… not MONEY & SUCCESS, not OTHER PEOPLE, not SEX, not ANYTHING. The problem is that it is hard to stop allowing the outside world to interfere with our minds. We are deluded when we think that we MUST attend to the SURVIVAL part of our existence first. The TRUTH is that when you find inner peace, a miracle takes place… you come to realize that you can create your world in the image of your choosing. When you attend to the inside first, you simultaneously create and provide for your own needs. There is truly no reason for us to struggle to make ends meet, but this just doesn't seem believable... too good to be true. The TRUTH is almost "to simple" to believe in. You must have "faith"… become like a little child… to be able to see it. "Verily I say unto you, that unless ye have faith as a little child, ye shall never enter into the kingdom of heaven."

I believe that God is not what or whom we are taught to believe He is by the Christian movement. All the religious rules… do's and don'ts… eventual destination of heaven and hell… none of this is literal truth. I believe the truth is clothed in symbolism, but too many people take the meanings literally. We have the power to create anything we desire… anything we ask for can be ours… because we have God's power of creation inside of us. We are made in His image. “The "Kingdom of heaven is at hand," meaning that it is waiting to be discovered now, by each man. I do not believe that Heaven is some magical place that we go to when we die; I believe it exists here and now, that it is what we find when we find ourselves. And… until we do find it (ourselves), our souls will just keep being faced with testing situations that will force us to learn the true meaning of life, which is to learn the true meaning and power of LOVE. I believe this continuous struggle is the real meaning of Hell (the struggle of existence without self-love, a life lived in disillusionment, ignorance and fear). There is just ONE KEY to finding this heaven, and that is LOVE. Whatever you ask for will be yours, if you come from a place of LOVE when you ask for it. Finding this LOVE is the Key to all miracles. But you have to love yourself first… before you will ever truly love others.

This is what I mean by LOVE. I love you unconditionally; you do not have to earn my love. I love you as I love myself. I do not judge you, because I can now see things for what they truly are. NOTHING you could ever say or do could change my love for you. I will always understand you, and have compassion for you. Anything I have is yours. I would do anything for you, even die for you, and I would expect nothing in return. This love and compassion for all of humanity is what is meant by "Christ-Consciousness or Super-Consciousness" which is what everyone eventually finds on their inward journey. This is the love that Christ symbolized. When you can truly love this way, putting others before yourself and your own ego, nothing will stop you from having everything you want. It is just that the things you want change once you love yourself, and you then want what is in the best interest of all of humanity, and not just what is in your own self-serving interest. When you come from this place of LOVE, all obstacles are removed. You are then able to say to that mountain, "move", and it will move.

I believe that before we are born, we know that our purpose in the material body will be to remember our own power of creation… to remember the TRUTH about who we really are… that we are created in God’s image. When we have the "faith" that we will be cared for as we are searching to find ourselves, that is when we start seeing miracles happen in our lives. When we finally come to this realization, and recognize that we have been creating our outer material world all along, and prove to ourselves that the outer is merely a reflection of the inner, then we find true peace in our lives. I believe that our power of creation is always working through our thoughts, and the KEY to controlling what we create, is to control our thoughts and emotions so that we can manifest what will truly make us happy.

"I'll bite the hand
That feeds the pain.
I'll lay my life down for LOVE.
I've lost the TRUTH,
I've lost my way,
And I am looking for it now.
I am looking for myself."

"An angel has no need of armor." - Jann Arden

…End of excerpt from letter.

I have had some awesome mystical experiences as I have expanded my consciousness, and have come to respect the power of the mind. Some of the experiences are so awesome, that people think I’m weird or crazy when I try to share them.

I know you said you are really busy right now, and I hope you know that I do not EXPECT you to reply in detail to my long emails. I truly try not to place any expectations on others. We all have enough to do, trying to live up to our own expectations of our selves. So… I hope I’m not making you feel pressured or obligated to respond with a long discourse. Although, I do look forward to talking to you in person about some of it, like you said in your last email. I would really like nothing better.

Talk to you soon… whenever you get a chance.

Shelley